I'm back for 2009/2010

Hey, i'm back in London again. Term has already started and I thought 'hmm....this year i should start revising more consistently and I should start doing it now'. Guess what...I just read 2 pages on family law and i was like zzzzzzzz...........LOL. So much for new start. But no worries, I will continue making such attempts until I'm IN THE ZONE. 

I was so semangat today. I woke up at 7am today. 7AM! 7AM! why?? GYM!! I know you're probably thinking i'm crazy but cause' i had class at 12 and i didn't wanna do it in the afternoon (duno why) so i purposely woke up to hit the gym. It's probably cause' I haven't been exercising for bout 2 weeks, I felt so weird and maybe I also bei ta han already la. So yea....oh but i thought it was great though. I did more cardio than usual but i only very little weights and other toning exercises cause' i didn't have enough time. But overall, it was good. I hope i get to keep this up lol. However i think i might just wanna do it in the afternoon cause' then i don't need to drag myself out of bed and i get more time at the gym that way. 

Although gym was great, but then after i came home...-_-'' i just makan like crazy. So basically, my efforts on the treadmill were all gone....Nvm nvm, i'm sure i'll be able to control myself in time. 

Anyway everyone good luck in the new academic year 09/10.

sausage toe

While i was moving the table around today, the board underneath it came loose, slid down and hit my toe Real BAD!! Now my toe looks like a sausage and i'm so not joking. Oh my... I'm gonna have a hard time travelling to the exam hall tomorrow. I don't even feel like walking around the house cause it's so painful. How to walk to the exam hall??? How to go shopping??? How to start working out with this toe??Omg, think about travelling to the airport.... Aih....

Then i thought maybe putting on some zambuk or some herbal oilment will work but turns out both of those two things that i have already expired and i think it's a bit too late to go to the pharmacy now.

Stupid ikea table!!! My whole toe, back front, all blue black ....-_-''..and i'm sensing this will take more than a week to recover....

What the hell man....

Not over it

I still can't get over the exam paper yesterday. I know it's all done and there's absolutely nothing i can do about it but ... it just frustrates me a lot and i don't think i have the energy and will to do the next paper. It really freaks me out thinking about yesterday. I was in the hall, flipped the question paper, went through every question and my mind just went blank. And also by then, i started to feel sleepy because of the messed up sleep I've been having lately. What if this happens again on tue? It's very likely to happen cause this is my least confident subject. And the worse thing about yesterday was that i realised everyone will be doing extremely well cause apparently tutors have been hinting but i didn't know about it (considering that i haven't been having much interaction with the school and the course), so that made me hate myself even more cause it was an avoidable incident. If i didn't miss the revision class (not on purpose), then i wouldn't have this sense of regret now. Again, i know there's nothing i can change but move on. I most definitely know that but sometimes it's just ....difficult especially considering the thought of cutting short my summer holidays. After i came out of the exam, i just kept wondering, what's the point of doing this really...i'm absolutely gaining nothing from this process. It almost similar to not being in school. All for that one piece of paper at the end of the year. A piece of paper that has no substance or worth in it (at least for my case). What it represents is not the knowledge that i've gained but how an empty shell managed to bluff her way through her three years in university. Sure, maybe lots of people do that and it doesn't matter but at least they weren't in so much pain and guilt. 

Sigh, and after this, i still have other things to handle at my place. This is so bothersome. If it ain't because of this, I would have been home by end of next week. 

One last paper

It's good to know that i only have 1 more paper left and it's all gonna be over in 5 days. (And of course, not forgetting a special day in 8 days time ~~ yes, we all are well noted ai). But yes, it most important that i feel that i definitely screwed this one up today. All the stuff that i spotted didn't come out and the ones that i hate and didn't study all came out. So I'm guessing I might have to make plans to come back in the summer to re-sit this shit. Sigh. Why am i still doing this? I haven't got a clue. I feel like a total loser, a worm....

And on top of that, I'm feeling really dizzy right now. 

So imma' go. 

So boring...

It's so boring trying to study...I'm not even in the mood for it. I'm just like ahhh~~~~~~ So sien. Can someone talk to me? sigh...plus my neck and shoulder's a bit 'sour' lately...maybe it's the bad sleep i get from the couch. 

3 days till the trust paper..........

still making concise notes now....

sigh....

Gaining weight

OMG, gaining weight like crazy. I look like i just got punched in the face. It's not like i've ever been at the right size but this is really too much. I've never weighed this much before. Sigh..looks really disgusting in the mirror. lol. 

 

I really need to really do something about it after the exams are over. Ahh~~ the exams are over only in the next another 12 days.....

Reminder

After my paper on tue, i basically just slacking and relaxing until i received a call from my tutor. She's actually been really nice, supporting me and guiding me, for that i'm very thankful to have her to rely on during these times. So after talking to her, i need to get back to reality and start getting into the working zone again. Sigh, i wanna go shopping la. I want to enjoy the summer holz. I really can't wait till this is over. I wanna spend this summer to try to get better, physically and mentally so i won't fall into the cycle again. 

Haha, you know what, sometimes when i'm sad, i start talking to myself and i record down what i've said and sometimes i listen to them.  Sometimes listening back, i think it's really funny, sometimes i get sadder when i hear them cause i start thinking about what happened then but most importantly, listening to my past recording makes me realise how much has happened and how much i've gone through over the past few months. Haha i guess it's just a mixture of feelings, it can be the feeling of gratitude for not being in that anymore but it can also be, why am i still stuck here. Lol, but overall, i think i've made some improvements over the few months. 

For now, i'm ok. But i duno what will happen again when it gets closer to the other exams coming up in two weeks time. What happened last week was really scary. Thank you to all my friends for being there when i was about to crash. I love you guys